Freedom at the heart of grief and pain

Grief counselling and trauma counselling in Melbourne

Our avoidance to feeling anger, shame, vulnerability, grief and pain keeps us safe but comes at a cost. Our unwillingness to move toward our painful and unwanted aspects of self keeps us disconnected from an authentic, spontaneous and lively way of being.

Spontaneity takes us back to our childhoods where life was full of wonder, curiosity and excitement where we would explore, fall, cry and get back up again. All part of the natural ebb and flow of life where emotion was fully felt and expressed but somewhere along the way falling and crying was decided as weak, shameful and rejecting. So as adults we protect ourselves from feeling vulnerable and focus on building strong, positive, proactive problem solving personalities denying our essential nature to cry and grieve.

The fear is if we allow sensation we will lose control and won’t be able to regulate the level of pain and discomfort. The truth is nothing is permanent including our feeling state. It is a process forever changing and unfolding. At the heart of pain is not pain but an opportunity to connect to a deep sense of grief, which then dissipates into a place openness and compassion.

It seems we have an aversion to pain and suffering and have legitimised our need to do so. In society our attempts to avoid pain, shy away from unresolved issues, past wounds and deny unmet needs goes largely unnoticed. Although we do notice our coping strategies that we utilise in an attempt to numb out and bypass the pain and discomfort.

Counselling & Psychotherapy offers trauma counselling and grief counselling in Melbourne to help you through these human experiences providing you with support in times of emotional suffering.

Here are some ways in which we might avoid pain

• Workaholism
  
• Busyness
• Smoking
• Drugs
• Drinking
• Overeating
• Exercise
• Anorexia/bulimia
• Obsessive-compulsive disorders
• Perfectionism
• Self harm
• Meditation and religion/spirituality
• Overly nice and kind
• Completely nonjudgmental
• Living with “shoulds”
• A strong sense of right and wrong
• Defensiveness
• Exaggerated detachment
• Over emphasizing positivity
• Anger-phobia
• Blind and overly compassionate
• Safety in intelligence and knowledge
  

In recognising our attempts to transcend, bypass and avoid pain an opportunity presents where we can connect to a more authentic sense of self. It is here where we can become intimate with our personal pain and history and allow ourselves to fully feel what has been disowned and pushed away for so many years.

This is the kindest gift you could give yourself and to those you love. It is in the darkness of pain and grief where you will meet yourself with the love and forgiveness you deserve. Ultimately this act of self love and acceptance will translate into every other intimate relationship you have. 

It is my belief and my experience that as humans our original wound and suffering occurred in a relationship and can only be healed in relationship. Subconsciously we go out and recreate similar dynamics hoping we can have a much-needed corrective relational experience. Unfortunately most couples see this play out in their long term relationships but neither of them have the awareness and support to do it any different.

Find freedom at the heart of your pain and liberate yourself with the support a specialised Counselling and Psychotherapy grief therapist in Melbourne. To book an appointment for relationship counselling, depression counselling, anxiety treatment or grief counselling in Melbourne, please click here. 
  
--- Anna Skolarikis