Dealing with emotional pain is not an easy place to go because when we are in the thick of it there can be additional distress because it can seem as though there is no end in sight. From this perspective physical pain can be more tolerable as there is a sense that it will stop. For some people emotional pain can be so intense that living doesn’t seem worthwhile and for others it can be the reason why they self harm. Self harming is usually done to help cope with emotional pain because physical pain is easier to bear than the intensity of overwhelming emotional distress. If someone self harms by cutting themselves for example, the physical pain releases endorphins giving relief from the emotional suffering.
Invariably we will naturally push away emotional pain, but as it has been mentioned in previous blogs pushing away unwanted feelings and emotions doesn’t really solve anything as what we resist will undoubtedly persist. There are myriad ways we avoid emotional pain and usually this has ‘too much’ associated with it – work, food, alcohol &drugs, exercise, activities and interests, socialising, tv, mobile phones; in fact anything you can think of can be used as a way to narcotise ourselves away from emotional pain. Important to note that this is not a judgement about what people do with their lives but an invitation to the possibility that they may be doing something excessively which may require a rethink and adjustment.
Invariably we will naturally push away emotional pain, but as it has been mentioned in previous blogs pushing away unwanted feelings and emotions doesn’t really solve anything as what we resist will undoubtedly persist. There are myriad ways we avoid emotional pain and usually this has ‘too much’ associated with it – work, food, alcohol &drugs, exercise, activities and interests, socialising, tv, mobile phones; in fact anything you can think of can be used as a way to narcotise ourselves away from emotional pain. Important to note that this is not a judgement about what people do with their lives but an invitation to the possibility that they may be doing something excessively which may require a rethink and adjustment.
Being with emotional pain
How does one be with emotional pain? Being with it as best you can is the easy answer. Bringing your presence to the emotional pain and befriending it as fully as possible allows the feelings and emotions to flow. This is not about being masochistic, gritting your teeth and toughing it out, but rather taking time to be with emotional pain in a caring way which may mean putting the pain to the side for a while and do something that gives respite or nurtures and then returning when one is able.
Social contact can be an important part of being with emotional pain as spending time with others negates feelings of isolation and validates feelings of being supported. Being around others who are positive and accepting, who can bring laughter and a sense of positivity, creates courage and enthusiasm to continue.
Conversely spending time on your own, to be with oneself, can be a gift that allows a deeper investigation into what the emotional pain has to say. Time alone can allow space to reflect on what’s important, understand what’s happening and tap into potential inner resources. Being alone may entail going into nature, having a weekend away or going on a retreat – all of which offer an opportunity to fully engage the present moment as difficult as that might be.
If you are in situation where emotional pain is overwhelming and too much to bear then contact Lifeline, 13 11 14, for immediate support.
May this day find you well
Counselling and Psychotherapy Team
Social contact can be an important part of being with emotional pain as spending time with others negates feelings of isolation and validates feelings of being supported. Being around others who are positive and accepting, who can bring laughter and a sense of positivity, creates courage and enthusiasm to continue.
Conversely spending time on your own, to be with oneself, can be a gift that allows a deeper investigation into what the emotional pain has to say. Time alone can allow space to reflect on what’s important, understand what’s happening and tap into potential inner resources. Being alone may entail going into nature, having a weekend away or going on a retreat – all of which offer an opportunity to fully engage the present moment as difficult as that might be.
If you are in situation where emotional pain is overwhelming and too much to bear then contact Lifeline, 13 11 14, for immediate support.
May this day find you well
Counselling and Psychotherapy Team
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